New Jokes, Same Joker
by Sarcasm Turtle
Summary: As the Normandy sets off on its new mission, Shepard and Joker have to learn to contain themselves. FemShepxJoker. Sequel to Joking Around.


**A/N: I have returned from the land of the dead! Just like Shepard! :D Well, what actually happened was I got a boyfriend and suddenly all my time was swallowed by him and band and school and all kinds of stuff. But seeing as the boyfriend is no longer an issue, I decided to go back to writing! I hope you all didn't remove me from your author alert lists… But it's alright if you did, I'll just have to wow you! Or attempt to at least. Haha. I apologize for my long absence and the crappiness that it may cause in my writing now.**

**So, without any further ado, here is part two of Joking Around, which is based around the story of Mass Effect 2! Enjoy :)

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Chapter One: Hiding

Shepard was perfectly content as plopped onto the middle console of the cockpit and swung her booted feet up onto Joker's armrest. Her pilot murmured something about damaging his console with her ass, but Lily merely flashed him a winning smile and he grudgingly allowed her feet to remain in their current relaxed position.

"You're really glad to be back, aren't you, sweetheart?" Joker asked with a smile.

"I was getting antsy being stuck on the Citadel for so long," she nodded. Suddenly she realized how rude that sounded. "Not that I didn't enjoy myself," she quickly corrected.

Joker chuckled as he recalled their nights out together following the initial months of recovery. They'd meet for drinks (assuming Shepard had dodged both the paparazzi and any sort of meetings she might have), laugh and talk, then discreetly drop by Jokers apartment to steal a few kisses. It was agreed that Shepard's current fame would make it difficult to visit her much more lavish quarters without drawing attention to their fraternization. But despite their fun, Joker wasn't surprised that Shepard was happy about seeing action again. She was a marine, and she loved her job; it was one of the reasons he fell for her.

_Now if only I could fix these damn legs_. He recalled with embarrassment the time that Shepard, in the midst of their passion, had forgotten about his condition and attempted to lay on top of him. Luckily, he didn't break anything, but the sharp pain it induced just reminded him how little he could give to his commander. Lily had apologized immensely and she still claims the lack of sex isn't a problem, but Joker had his doubts. And even if she ignored her own needs, that didn't make it any easier for him to ignore his desires. Even now he found himself absentmindedly rubbing her shapely leg.

Suddenly Shepard removed her legs from his caresses and stood up. Joker looked behind him and saw that a young corporal had entered to relieve his shift. The pilot looked at his watch and realized that it had indeed been several hours since he had launched the Normandy, meaning the autopilot systems probably would have broken down by now if they'd wanted to.

Joker quickly grabbed his crutches and made it to his feet. Shepard awkwardly remained next to him should he need assistance, her face slightly red from their close encounter. The sandy haired corporal saluted as they walked by, showing no indication that he had seen anything questionable.

"Joker, we really should be more careful," she admonished as they made their way to the mess hall for a midnight snack.

"Hey, you're the one who had your legs all over me," Joker grinned weakly, knowing he was in trouble.

Shepard glowered silently as she grabbed a soda from the fridge. The pilot raised a quizzical eyebrow; it was awfully late for Shepard to be chugging soft drinks. He hoped she was sleeping well. On one of the few occasions when she had allowed herself to spend the night at his apartment she had tossed and turned the whole night.

Joker carefully sat down at the table and decided to try one more attempt at humor. "Look, I'm sorry, babe. You've got great legs; I couldn't help it. It's like they're mass effect fields."

He felt relieved when a small smile crossed Lily's features as she leaned against the wall to drink her soda. "We still need to be careful, Jeff," she repeated, using his first name to show that she wasn't kidding.

The pilot nodded slowly. He knew the commander took her job seriously. _Good thing, or the galaxy probably would've been destroyed by now_, he thought to himself. "Alright, I promise to behave." He placed his hand over his heart and raised the other in the air. "Or at least _try_. Can't make any promises though," he winked.

Shepard looked around for any observers before quickly stooping to give him a light kiss on the cheek. "It'll have to do," she chuckled softly.

"Lily?" Joker asked quietly, taking this opportunity to look at her more closely. He saw the small bags under her eyes and frowned. From the looks of it she had even tried to cover it up with makeup. "You're still not sleeping well, are you?"

Lily straightened suddenly, her face unreadable in the soft light that the ship employed at night. "Bad dreams," she replied, trying to shrug it off.

"You wanna talk about it, sweetheart?" Joker asked gently.

She shook her head a little. "I really need to look over some reports…" Her voice trailed off slightly as she eyed the remaining contents of her drink and Joker knew immediately she was lying.

"I don't like being lied to, commander," he said flatly.

Lily bit her lip, a nervous habit of hers. "You're right, Jeff; you don't deserve that," she sighed, ashamed of herself. The commander seated herself next to her pilot. "It's just… complicated. Sovereign is gone but now I have to deal with an even larger threat. I guess it's getting to me."

Despite her earlier warnings against public displays of affection, Joker wrapped his arm around her and drew her towards him. She slowly sighed again and he felt all the tension from her sleepless nights evaporate as she nuzzled against his chest.

He held her for a long time before realizing that her breathing had slowed down considerably. Smiling softly, he looked down at his commander and realized that she had once again fallen asleep while snuggled up to him. Wishing his legs were strong enough to carry her to her quarters, Joker decided to enjoy a few more moments of this before waking her up to reality.

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**A/N: And there you have it! Sorry if it was terrible; like I said, my writing chops may not be up to par now. Also, I wrote this in just about 2 hours. I currently have no plan for this story (and I seem to have misplaced the plans for all my other stories) so updates will be shaky. Reviews are encouraging though! ...Hint hint! ;)**


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